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AQUARIUS “The Barefoot Hippie” (-. 21–Feb. 19). Those itchy things in your hair and scalp? They’s in your crotch, too (HINT: we ain’t talkin’ dandruff.) Significant Other: Pollock (1-28- ). Sweet couple want sex dating matchmaker Defining Characteristic: Warts PISCES “The Fish Chips” (Feb. 20-March 20) Take your finger out of your nose, stop scratching your butt crack, and get back to work — coffee break is over. Significant Other: Stone (3-10-58). Defining Characteristic: Befuddled ARIES “The Los Ram” (March 21 20) In the next world you learn how to pull a cart, a cop, or run on a racetrack. Here’s how we know: You have a horse face already. Significant Other: Reese Witherspoon (03-22-76). Defining Characteristic: Filthy Belly Button Hole TAURUS “The Ford” (- 21 21) The stranger in the parking lot is wearing nothing underneath his coat; your dentist gets hot when you stick your tongue out; Casper the Friendly Ghost ain’t friendly. Significant Other: Seeger (5-03-19). Defining Characteristic: Shifty GEMINI “The Space Shuttle” (- 22 21) Go in and tell your boss what a stupid schmuck he is. Go ahead. You’ll, you’ll earn the respect of the owner and get a big raise. Go ahead. Trust us. Go right in there, now. It’s OK. Go on in. Significant Other: Price (5-27-11). Defining Characteristic: Spooky CANCER “The Disease”(- 22-July 23) It is said people reflect who their parents were. We’re guessing your mom was a contortionist and your daddy was a clown. Significant Other:. Simpson (7-9-07). Defining Characteristic: Murderer “The DiCaprio” (July 24-Aug. 23), that’s sickening. I feel like I’m going to get sick. Please put your clothes back on. Significant Other: Guy (7-30-36). Defining Characteristic: Clogged Arteries VIRGO “The (yeah, right) Virgin” (Aug. 24-Sept. 23) Keep in touch with yourself. Significant Other: Pink (9-8-79). Defining Characteristic: Frequent Regurgitating. 
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