From the "Chances Are You'll Never Read This" Poster... w4m First off, I want to address the breathtakingly kind-hearted and caring people who took the time to message me words of encouragement, appreciation and understanding. Your letters have meant more to me than I could ever express. I believed that if I was going to get any responses, they would be that of mockery and ridicule. I could not have been more wrong. THANK YOU. Secondly, I wanted to share that I was sent several letters by very lovely, genuine gentlemen who thought I might be their lost lady love. A few of which had even me convinced for a few moments, but by the end, I was assured that they were mistaken. It has been a bittersweet roller coaster ride that has forced me to step back and truly look at these pieces I have been hopelessly trying to put back together over the years. I am very grateful for that perspective and hope that each and every one finds their happily ever after... I am confident that they will. Lastly, I need to express that while your sympathy and grace have deeply touched me, I am not deserving of it. This love that I have written about at great length, while magnificent and deeply rooted, was damned from the start. It was a selfish, and essentially hurtful love that left many broken hearts in its stead. We walked away out of necessity. At least, I did... I don't believe I will ever truly know where his heart and mind truly resided. Still, he took me at, what I consider to be, one of the lowest and coldest points in my life and lifted me up to a place beyond the stars and deep into the core of Heaven and held me there on a throne of emotional bliss, the likes of which even the greatest wordsmith could not describe. Though our union was coated with all things tragic, the center at which we were united felt as pure as any one thing could conceivably be. While a part of me would love to know the truth, this experience has shown me that perhaps I am still not yet ready for it. Perhaps in the further examination of the pieces left from this fall from Heaven, I have found my strength in knowing that I am capable of truly loving another person, and perhaps even myself. The only thing I would want (and the main reason I posted to begin with) is for him to know that I always meant everything I said to him, and nothing I said about him. That he really did mean so much to me and that all of the awful lies I said after all was said and done was never once how I really felt. I apologized and worked to make amends to every person involved and hurt by that situation- except for him... and mainly due to the fact that in doing so, I would undo any and all compensation made towards the one who was hurting the most at that time... I have always wanted to reach out and apologize... assure him that I said what I said as a means to an end and it killed me each and every time. Maybe he understood that, maybe he didn't... maybe it never bothered him... but I am someone who despises unfinished business, and bad blood... so this has eaten away at me little by little over the years. Even if all you (he) ever fed me was lies and pretty words... If you never intended to have me fell so completely in love with you... if you never wanted anything more than a fun time with a girl you knew would give you the world on a string, it still could never take away how wonderful you made me feel. How you lifted me out of the mud. Regardless of your intentions. And for that alone you deserve more than I gave you at the end. Just know I always watched for signs of you, despite the venom I spat... That one chance I could safely tell you the truth... This is my only opportunity... So please, please know that you are still here with me and that you have been held in a very special place in my heart, despite everything. That's all I have wanted from this... For you to know how truly special you STILL are to this sad little girl thousands of miles away... ...And to all the star-crossed lovers out there- Be true to yourself and to your heart... It is meant to be, even if it is not meant to be forever. Everything happens for a reason, they say... Even if that reason isn't clear right away...
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